you are safe, and you are loved.

 

 

it’s seems like just when i think i can’t fight

to keep my head above the water much longer

i feel myself reach the shore.

you speak to me

in a language i’ve never heard

but the most vulnerable part of my heart

somehow recognizes all the words.

yes,  it understands

you when you say to me

we’re building a home for us here.

i want to stay, old friend.

best friend.

***

it is with you i’ve shared

the sweetest of moments

and the bitterest of months.

i have grown strong from your kindness,

i have been changed by your silence.

i have loved you, questioned you, hated you,

carried a grudge in my pocket,

and loved you again.

 

you have been the place i’ve sent my

pain.

loneliness.

confusion.

rage.

and joy.

you have welcomed them in, me in,

while you startled all the shame away.

i didn’t know i could get rid of it.

 

i didn’t know i could love me, be me,

be free of that heaviness i felt when i

caught my eye in the mirror.

until you.

until you told me over and over

raise your head, because i love you.

 

you sit next to me on long drives.

i talk and you listen.

you talk and (sometimes) i listen.

and i don’t care that much

that some of my friends would say i’m crazy.

and i don’t care, because

i can’t afford to care.

with this wonky brain of mine,

prone to its anxiety, depression, chaos, darkness,

i need you in order stay alive,

i need you so i don’t give up.

i need you to sew me back up at the end of every day,

because i come undone a lot.

 

i need you to tell me

you are safe.

and you are loved.

you are safe.

and you are loved.

you are safe, you are loved, you are mine.

 

i need tea time with you

sitting in the quiet of my closet

where you calm the waters of my soul

in that mysterious, gentle way that you do.

because honestly i don’t know how to do it myself.

i try and i try and i try

and i think i’m doing something wrong when i can’t.

maybe i am

i just know that you have freely given me peace

time and time again.

peace i may have, quite frankly,

on a few occasions,

killed myself without.

 

i need you to tell me

i will always be on your side.

i need you on my side,

because i’m not always on my own side.

sometimes i’m really pretty ugly to myself.

sometimes i give her no mercy.

 

i need you to remind me

i am more

more than

the roles i play

the hats i wear

the burdens i carry.

i need you to remind me

you are safe.

and you are loved.

and you are mine.

 

because sometimes i forget.

i look at myself through a critical lens

and all i see is where i’m think i’m not enough

i see a tainted mess of a thing.

but you look at me

with a light in your eyes

that lightens the load

i’m always trying to drag around.

you look at me like i’m something worth looking at.

you make me feel like

i’m going to be okay,

like i’m going to be more than okay.

like i can hope.

like i will hope.

like my hope will grow.

***

am i only 22 or already 22?

it’s been 6 years since we met.

some days, it feels like it’s been forever.

some days, it feels like i’m meeting you for the very first time.

and i’m not sure what to call you,

but jesus seems to fit,

the way it rolls off the tongue of my spirit.

all i know is i need you.

i need to be safe.

and i need to be loved.

and with you, i am.

Advertisements

One thought on “you are safe, and you are loved.

  1. I love this! I totally get the sentiments expressed, and agree (wish I had written it…) I especially love the wording in about the name Jesus flowing off the tongue of your soul! Exactly!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s