does anybody really see me?

 

One of my favorite things is listening to people’s stories and dreams and feelings. I like to see the picture of who they are become clearer and clearer. I like taking a road in their mind or heart that I’ve never been down before. There’s so much to know and learn and figure out.

Because of this, I often take the role of listener. I ask questions and take the time to understand a person. It’s who I am. I don’t have a problem with that.

People like me. They think I’m sweet and funny and understanding. But mostly, I think without them realizing it, it’s because I take the time to see them. That feels good.

However, every now and then I take a step back and look at my friendships. And I get this feeling that in a lot of these,  I’m the only one seeing. If a dwell on it too long, it makes me sad, makes me a little lonely. I feel like a one-way mirror. I’m looking through it, at my friend, but all they see is themselves, how they feel, what they get from our relationship.

I can pretty much deal with this when it comes to friendships, but when it comes to romance, I wonder about the likelihood of falling in love. The likelihood that someoday someone will actually really see me. Not just how I make them feel. And not the person they’ve idealized me to be, the person they’ve created by filling in the blanks with who they’d like me to be instead of just getting to know me. To quote J.P. in my favorite move, Angels in the Outfield, “It could happen.”

I am lucky enough to have a few people who really see me though, people who take the time to see me. And for that I am thankful. I can’t imagine how alone life would feel without them.

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