being depression-free isn’t something Jesus requires

Depression sucks so much. It’s messy and scary and overwhelming.

But this season of my life is allowing me to experience the mercy and gentleness of God more potently than I ever have before.

I want to blame myself for how I feel, thinking if I just read my Bible more or dedicated more time to prayer or identified some secret sin in my life, I would be fine.

God’s been teaching me, though, that it doesn’t work that way.

I was washing the dishes yesterday, and I had some music on. Jesus was hanging out with me. When it got to the chorus, all of a sudden he was jamming out with me. I got lost in the song with him for a little bit. When it was over, Jesus told me if that was the only time we truly connected that day, it was okay; he understood and he wasn’t mad or upset with me.

I started crying. I’ve always been unbelievably critical and hard on myself, especially when it involves depression. And here Jesus comes, doing whatever the heck he wants, like always.

I love it. I love him. And I love what is good.

It’s a scary thought, but maybe I will struggle with depression my whole life. God’s been teaching me that even so, it won’t keep me from being a part of His kingdom on earth or in heaven.

An older woman I volunteer for, who has been a social worker for years likes to throw in, “It doesn’t take a degree to be human,” whenever she is giving me advice for my schooling.

In the same way, it doesn’t take being depression-free to follow Jesus, be a recipient of his unconditional love, or be useful to him.

I believe that. Or at least I’m starting to.

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